Most of what people do all day falls into one of two boxes.
Box one is money: Your income, savings, the next promotion, or the bigger client.
Box two is pleasure and status: How you look, who likes you, where you ate, what you posted, or who saw it.
There’s nothing wrong with those things. Money matters. And pleasure makes life enjoyable. But if those are the only two scoreboards you use, your sense of self-worth will always depend on something outside of you.
Marcus Aurelius reminded himself of this:
“Find joy in simplicity, self-respect, and indifference to what lies between virtue and vice.”
Finding joy in simplicity makes sense. And we all know what he meant by not getting worked up about things that are neither good nor bad.
But find joy in self-respect is the part I keep thinking about.
What makes you respect yourself?
In my experience, it’s the way you live. It’s the things you do every day that strengthen your character. Most of them look ordinary. And nobody will congratulate you for them.
But when you look in the mirror, you know.
Here are nine things I take pride in. Whether they make me look successful is irrelevant. They help me respect the person I see.
1. Move your body every day
I take pride in moving my body every day. It doesn’t always have to be a hard workout.
It can be a long walk, a gym session, or a ten-minute run. My rule is simple: I do something every day unless I’m sick.
And when I do get sick, I recover. Then I start again as soon as I feel better. That first workout after being out for a few days always feels good because I’m back to being myself.
Daily exercise gives you more than physical benefits. Every time you do it, you prove that you can keep a promise to yourself.
2. Give people your full attention
When I’m talking to someone, I want to be there.
That means making eye contact, listening, putting my phone away, and not checking a notification in the middle of a conversation.
And this applies everywhere. At work, with a friend, with your spouse, or while you’re playing with your kid. When you’re doing something with another person, be engaged.
People can feel when your mind is somewhere else. They can also feel when you’re truly present. I take pride in giving people that feeling.
3. Keep feeding your curiosity
Never stop learning.
Read a book because you’re curious. Learn about history, business, psychology, philosophy, technology, or something that has no connection to your career at all.
I like following my curiosity wherever it goes. It keeps my life interesting. And I think it keeps you young too. You continue looking at the world with the same curiosity you had as a child.
The moment you decide you already know enough, life becomes smaller. There’s always something else to understand.
4. Live with discipline
This is a big one for me because discipline shows up in every area of your life.
Your diet, work, health, habits, and the way you use your personal time all show whether you do what you said you would do.
You don’t need to be perfect. Nobody is. But when you keep making excuses, you slowly lose trust in yourself.
And when you’re disciplined, you can look in the mirror and see someone who follows through. That’s one of the strongest forms of self-respect.
5. Be a person of your word
My word is my bond.
If I say I’ll do something, I do it. If I say I’ll be somewhere, I show up. And if circumstances change, I communicate instead of disappearing.
Keeping your word sounds basic. But a lot of people say things they don’t mean. They agree because it’s easier in the moment and then find an excuse later.
Over time, keeping your word builds a good reputation. More importantly, you know that people can count on you.
6. Don’t let people walk over you
My default is to be nice. I like being respectful and treating people well.
But when someone tries to take advantage of me, screw me, or cross one of my values, I become very serious. I’m a pit bull and I show my teeth.
I take pride in that. I know who I am, what I stand for, and where my lines are. And I don’t let people walk over those lines.
You don’t need to look for conflict. Most situations are better when everyone stays calm and reasonable. But being nice doesn’t require you to accept bad behavior.
7. Show up for the people you love
Your character shows when being there is inconvenient.
Maybe a friend is struggling and keeps talking about the same problem, a family member needs your time when you’re tired, or your spouse needs you to listen while your mind is still at work.
You don’t always need to solve anything. Often, you only need to be there, listen, and make the other person feel that they’re not alone.
People remember who showed up during the difficult periods of their lives. I want to be that person.
8. Keep going when things get hard
I don’t quit simply because something becomes difficult.
Every worthwhile path has periods when the work is boring, uncertain, or painful. If you leave every time that happens, you’ll never stay with anything long enough to become good at it.
Of course, sometimes stopping is the right decision. I’ve done that too. But I don’t make that decision only because a moment feels hard.
Stay long enough to understand whether the path is wrong or the work has simply entered a difficult phase.
9. Take the risks that feel right
I’ve moved abroad, started businesses, and ended relationships and jobs. I’ve started things because they felt right, and I’ve ended them because that felt like the right thing to do.
Those decisions came with uncertainty. But when I look back, they’re also the decisions I’m most proud of.
When you take a thoughtful risk, you act because you know what you want to do, even though nobody can guarantee the outcome.
Not every risk will work out. But at least you gave yourself the chance to find out.
When you look back, what will make you proud?
I think this is the most important scorecard of your life.
When you look back, are you proud of the things you did?
Are you happy with the decisions you made?
Or do you see a long list of things you wanted to do but kept postponing because you were afraid?
I think our biggest regrets usually come from the things we were too afraid to do: the conversation we avoided, the risk we never took, or the life we kept putting off.
And if you keep doing things that strengthen your character, it all adds up. You become someone who is engaged, curious, disciplined, reliable, strong, and willing to act.
Marcus Aurelius was right. You find joy in self-respect because you earn it through the way you live.
Do that long enough, and it adds up to a life you don’t regret.