Stop thinking others are happier than you are

You can’t see another person’s inner life, so stop using it to judge your own.

Have you ever looked at someone and thought, “They figured it out”?

Maybe they have a good career, a nice house, a happy family, or a large group of friends. They always seem to be traveling, eating at nice restaurants, and doing interesting things.

You see a small part of their life. And your mind fills in the rest.

You assume they wake up happy and never ever have any problems.

In the meantime, you see everything about your own life. You feel all the ups and downs.

If you make comparisons like that, just understand it’s not fair.

You’re comparing your actual life to someone else’s portrayed life.

Can you tell when someone is happy?

I don’t think so… at all.

People are great actors.

Just look at yourself. Be honest. Are you an open book at all times?

We as humans have a tendency to hide our emotions. We prefer not to talk about everything that we’re going through.

That’s the default for many. That’s why so many people go to therapy just to learn to open up. It’s not easy.

So why do you think that what you see from others is real?

Some people who look happy are going through difficult things. And some people who look serious or quiet are perfectly content.

We forget that happiness is an emotion. It comes and goes.

You might feel good in the morning, irritated in the afternoon, and relaxed again by dinner. So which version is the real you?

All of them.

No one walks around feeling happy all day. Life has both pleasant and unpleasant experiences. A good life doesn’t remove sadness, boredom, stress, or uncertainty.

You can have a great family and still feel tired. You can love your work and have a terrible week. You can be grateful for your life and still want to change something.

These things exist at the same time.

But when we look at others, we simplify their lives. We turn them into characters:

• The successful entrepreneur

• The happy couple

• The person with many friends

• The relaxed traveler

Then we compare that character to our reality.

Of course you feel worse when you do that. The other person isn’t even real anymore. You’re comparing yourself to a story.

Why does their happiness make you feel worse?

Theodore Roosevelt said it best:

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

You see a couple having fun on vacation and think, “My relationship isn’t exciting enough.”

You see friends having dinner and think, “Everyone has a better social life than I do.”

From there, your mind starts creating imaginary pressure:

• I should be doing more

• I should go out more often

• I should make more money

• I should feel better than I do

Says who?

There’s probably no actual problem at that moment. You simply saw another person living differently, and suddenly your own life felt insufficient.

I must admit, the mind is very good at creating problems that didn’t exist five minutes earlier.

This is why comparing yourself to others is so destructive.

Everyone has a different personality, family, career, financial situation, stress tolerance, and idea of a good life.

You don’t know what another person had to sacrifice. You also don’t know whether you would enjoy their daily life.

Maybe you like the appearance of their life but would hate the reality.

What if they really are happier?

Good for them.

Someone else’s happiness doesn’t take anything away from you. Happiness isn’t a competition with a limited number of winners.

And you don’t need to become the happiest person in the room.

Why do we think that happiness is a competition?

We start thinking we must always feel good, have fun, and enjoy ourselves. But the more you chase pleasant feelings, the more frustrated you become when life feels ordinary.

Most days are ordinary.

You work, take care of your responsibilities, talk to a few people, eat, walk, read, watch something, and go to sleep. There might be a nice moment somewhere in there. There might also be an annoying one.

That’s life. Why make it more dramatic?

If someone is happier than you today, let them be happier. Tomorrow might be different. And even if it isn’t, what does that have to do with how you live?

You don’t need to win at happiness. You need a life that fits you.

How do you return to your own life?

First, notice when your mind invents a story about someone else.

When you catch yourself thinking, “They’re so happy,” ask:

What do I actually know?

Usually, not much.

Then bring your attention back to what’s in front of you. This is one of the simplest ways to stop being so distracted.

Look around.

Listen to the person you’re with. Taste your food. Feel the air when you go outside. Pay attention to your actual life instead of thinking about someone else’s.

And if something genuinely bothers you, deal with that specific thing.

• If you’re lonely, reach out to someone.

• If you dislike your work, start exploring other options.

• If you’re exhausted, rest.

• If social media consistently makes you feel bad, use it less.

Don’t turn one real problem into the vague conclusion that everyone is happier than you. That thought gives you nothing to work with.

A specific problem can be addressed. An imaginary ranking of everyone’s happiness can’t.

The goal isn’t to convince yourself that your life is perfect. It probably isn’t. No one’s life is.

The goal is to see your life clearly.

Let other people enjoy what they have. You don’t know how they truly feel, and you don’t need to know.

Return to your own life.

It’s the only one you can actually live.